All I have needed

thy hand hath provided~

     I am so thankful to God for his faithfulness. I consider his love and his devotion to us and I am left overwhelmed. When I focus on him and prepare my heart to commune with him I feel such joy. And when I see him working in the world around me my heart is comforted. Ever since I started attending Hinkle Creek Friends I have been on a journey. Sometimes the going is slow, sometimes it's confusing and it's always worth it. I can't really tell you how my heart has changed. But, it has. Probably because it's been full of starts and stops and many, many little things.


     One of the most important things I've learned is that first of all, faith means letting go. Letting go of pride, letting go of fear and letting go of needing approval. It also means dedication, dedication to prayer and also opening up your heart over and over again to God's love and to asking him to show his love through me. I have been excited about new breakthroughs, upset over misunderstandings and diversions, and I have been shown that patience is a virtue. I don't know why patience is so important but it keeps popping up again. I KNOW God has been patient with me. And I guess he wants me to learn patience too. I am not an impatient person. But I do get anxious and excited. And sometimes I think too much, or not enough. But, as long as I can keep trying he seems to keep guiding me, gently and in a way that really speaks to my heart. Sometimes God is funny, literal or really elusive and mysterious. He certainly knows how to keep my attention and helps me to stay curious. His revelations come to me when I least expect them and when I most need them. I do feel as if a veil has been lifted from my eyes. That is not to say that I get it right every time. I still struggle with discernment but I do feel I've come a long way. A friend of mine used to say "If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything." And it's true! My whole life I have longed for wisdom. But the wisdom I have found is steeped in God's love. And the concern I feel for my brothers and sisters must be steeped in his love or it becomes judgement and fear.


     Sometimes, when things work out and even when they don't I know, I just know that Gods hand is there to guide me. Between the quiet peace that surrounds our meetinghouse. Or the sweet spirit that swirls around our hearts, sometimes I can just see God's love for me in this beautiful world around me. I can feel it and it lifts me up. And when I think about this world and the pain and suffering that happens everyday I can only pray that he will be able to use me to help people understand that he is all of ours. He loves us all. I want so much for people to stop being tricked, disillusioned and distracted by the advisary. I desire to share my faith with others and I pray that God will lead people who are seeking to me so I can show them what I have seen. And God can reveal to them in the special way that he does, that can speak only to their heart. He knows us all so well. His love astounds me. My faith is strong, but I am still very niave and sometimes easily mislead. But, sometimes I feel like I can move mountains when I am within his will. And the peace that fills my heart when I am praying is worth more than rubies or diamonds. There is nothing in this world that can compare with the calm assurance that comes from living a life that is given to the Lord for his will.


     If I could do more for God it would be to pray more. I want to learn more about Jesus and study more what he was trying to teach us. I do know that we are here to finish what he started. It's a big world and many people seem to have their hearts hardened toward Christ. But I try to not suppose that they will never let him in. Because I just don't know what he's up to. I can't see the big picture. I go on the little bit he shows me. And then I have to be very careful about how I try to interpret his meaning, it's a constant balancing act. Know his word, spend time with him, worship, repent, fellowship, faith. And sometimes I just try too hard and I have to learn to let go all over again.


    My church family is such an encouragement to me. And I can't even really say how. I guess it's in so many little things. Isn't that the way families work though? Knowing that when I walk through the doors at Hinkle Creek I will be greeted with love, hugs and smiles blesses me everytime. All I have to do is show up, be ready and be honest. I am so thankful for Bob and Paulette and the easy way they guide us all. It's the many small ways in which they show they care, that add up. And their consistancy. I am so thankful to God for never giving up on me. I imagine all the work that went into saving my soul. All the people he sent my way to eventually lead me to his door. All the times he had to let me learn the hard way and how that must have hurt him.


    For what it's worth, my life is his. He has already done more with it in the past couple of years than I could ever do. And amazingly he has taken all of my mistakes and missteps and used them as tools to make something beautiful. I am not so concerned anymore about how I come across to people. That is God's job. I do hope, that sometimes they will see someone who loves them. Someone who understands them, because we are all more alike then we are different. And if that's the case then I know that people must need him just like I do. Sometimes you just have to dig a little deeper, wait a little longer and pray a little stronger.
Our God is so awesome!